I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
