I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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