and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
