i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
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