So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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