She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
a search helicopter?!
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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