i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize