My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize