Moan for me like Helen Keller
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
