1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
