he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
