i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
