my mouth tastes like poor choices
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
