dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
