So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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