Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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