Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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