"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
God I need to hump something, right now.
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