You just made me feel so damn special
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
