his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
