I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
