At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
