im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
