Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
where are you?
Hypothermia
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
