I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
