I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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