i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
