'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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