You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
