he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
