The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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