he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize