I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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