Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
