fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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