im drinking this country out of the recession.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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