My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
