this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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