What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
