i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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