I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
