forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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