the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
whose parrot is this?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
