I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
