I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
