No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
