There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
