Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
What did we do last night that was yellow?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize