If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
This baby is an asshole
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
