I can text with my tongue
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
did i just pee glitter
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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