my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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