he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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