i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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