I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
