Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
