Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
