Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
