oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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