have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
