do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
