My liver just broke up with me...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
