All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize