im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
