Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
