she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
