i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize