No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
