I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
