I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
