Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
